Monday, December 05, 2005

#26 Season of Despair

The holiday season is upon us, supposedly filled with merriness and warmth, twinkling lights, good food, children's laughter. But I have seen my son, as the season of mirth approaches, instead slipping into an inner despair. His sleeping pattern is complete chaos - he will sleep for 18 out of 24 hours, then stay up for 36 - he has worn the same jeans since Thanksgiving, and the same shirt for the last four days. He has taken showers, but puts back on the same clothes. His attitude has also become increasingly negative - for example, when he saw the freshly trimmed tree, he said, "I hate Christmas - I mean Christmas trees." His only soft spot right now is for our two cats that we recently adopted from the shelter, a kitten named Jewel and an older cat the kids named Frank after Frank Sinatra. I've been trying to make sure he is taking all his medicine, but with his erratic schedule, it is difficult. What worries me the most is that all this seems so familiar. I think back to Christmas last year and in retrospect recognize signs that I didn't then and now see repeated. I know I must be vigilant for the coming month - statistics show that bipolar disease is many times seasonal and it appears that the holidays are David's season of despair. Even more frightening and always at the back of my mind is the statistic that one out of five who suffer from manic-depressive decease end up committing suicide. For now, though, all I can do is pray and try to wash his pants and shirt if and when he sleeps.

1 comment:

buggsie said...

Hi I was reading your blog and it struck me that my daughter who just turned 14 yesterday is very similiar to your son. She has been diagnosed w/major depressive disorder w/psy. features (szichoprena) she is also borderline w/her IQ 70 so she is now not only in the mental health system but the OMRDD system as well. She has been hospitalized for depression and sucidial tendencies (she is a cutter) as the kids say. She was in a pscy. hosp. here in upstate NY 6 times in 2004 for 30 days sometimes less. We have tired so many meds. the list is endless. She will wear the same clothes day after day not brush her teeth, shower, etc. Here we go again. I have read approx. 13 or so blogs or yours. I would appreciate it if you could maybe write to me if you get a chance. Sometimes it feels that no one understands. My husband and I have the support of my parents who are elderly and one sister of mine, the other is in denial. Now my 2nd child a son is going through similiar problems he was also in the psy. hospital in May for 16 days. He doesn't really have any help yet. He's a straight A student not a problem in school yet..... but a problem everywhere else the mall, at home my parents, the therapist,etc. I can really relate to what you are going through. Take care please try to write. I hope your son is doing better. my email is katcantalk@hotmail.com