Sunday, May 07, 2006

#31 The Long Road

Some days, even though I'm only thirty eight, I feel at least a century old - and oh! the long, long road ahead - I think one of the most daunting things about having a child with a chronic disease is that there is no end - the road stretches out past the horizon and though good spells may give one a sense of hope - they don't last. Inevetibly the bad times recur and we pick back up our burden and trudge on down that endless road. The hope I feel for David is still there - but dimmed - he has been going through a tough time lately - some weeks not wanting to take showers or change clothes and falling back into some of his more self destructive habits - On one hand I feel irritated - the whole world is before him - although he has a mental illness - he still has his brilliant mind, and a charming, witty personality - he can succeed - the only problem is that I know this - but most of the time, he doesn't - and as he sees the friends that he went to school with go to the senior prom, take senior skip day and prepare for graduation, the chasm between their existence and his must seem to grow to an uncrossable obstacle - I pick up my pack - it will take all my energy, strength, and love to get him through this trial and emerge on the other side of this coming summer - I have been makeing all the last arrangement with the university - scheduling orientation and an appointment with disability services - I have to come up with things to keep him busy, occupied, and prevent him from dwelling on the past. To be Cont.