Sunday, September 11, 2005

#23 Broken

I did not answer - I didn't know how - I felt as if I broke inside. The sea was dark - the depth bottomless and I was going down. Why fight? Why tread in a world where a merciless God would do this? - take a wonderful, smart, handsome boy, full of potential and toss him into a world of madness - and worse - if God wasn't merciless then there was no God - and if...and if...what was the purpose? I sat there in my kitchen beside my son and sobbed - he had looked to me for answers - for hope - I had none to give. But then a miracle occured - perhaps there was a loving God after all - an angel walked in the door - of course it was a very familiar face - but an angel to us at that moment all the same. What I couldn't give to David my mom gave to us both - assurance and comfort - a plan. I called the psychiatrist - he talked to David and he agreed to try another antipsychotic, Seroquel and begin lithium. My mom talked calmly and soothingly to David and after awhile the madness receded - it was still in the edges of his gaze - but my son was trying to fight his way back to the surface - I couldn't do any less than follow...To be cont.