Thursday, November 10, 2005

Lost at Sea Posted by Hello

A Note about how to use site

Most of my posts, the ones that are numbered, are a continuation of the story of our struggle to come to terms with my son's attempted suicide and diagnosis of mental illness. I would suggest starting at #1 to get the whole picture and to understand the frequent allusions to the metaphor of being lost at sea. I have also added a new page that can be accessed from the link on the right. It deals with resources that may be of interest and relevant to mental illness.


As you have no doubt noticed I have not been very diligent in posting lately - I pledge I will do better - but I have decided to try a new format - from this post on I am going to discuss current issues that my family and I are facing - going back to problems that happened month's ago seems to be cycling through feelings that are counterproductive to healing - so from here we look forward, not back - I do however want to bring everyone up to date - so here is a quick summary - David is much better - at the moment - he had a really bad spell in the summer when I feared I was going to lose him to bad influences, but he has - for the most part come around - though we go day by day and he certainly isn't back to any real "normalcy" - he still is taking lithium, seroquel, zoloft, inderal for tremor's and lately has been given a low dose of xanax to take only when he is going into stressful social situations - he is finishing up his senior year online and thus is home most of the time - more on that later -

#25 Adapting

The only way to survive in this crazy world of ours in by adapting - I'm reminded of this - strangely by a pumpkin lying in our mud room. You see I bought three pumpkins for the kids to carve a week before Halloween. It had been a couple of years since the kids were really interested in carving Jack-O-Lanterns, but I thought we needed some reminders of tradition this year, so I bought David, Elizabeth, and Joseph each one. Elizabeth and her boyfriend jumped right in; he had only carved one once in his life so he was thrilled. Joseph was a bit more relunctant, but finished his in time. But David, as with so many things, said he would get to it later, and now its too late. The pumpkin lies neglected, its potential unused. I feel that way about David in a manner; he is full of unused potential. I think of other parents whose children have become unrealized harvest. Because of drug use or illness their children have never lived up to their purpose. We, as parents plant carefully, water, and tend, expecting a bounteous harvest in the end; how sad to see a harvest left out in the field unused. But perhaps I'm looking at this wrong. At least I still have my harvest, and God's plan for a bounteous harvest may not be the same as mine. I may not stand next May to applaud my valedictorian, but I have a breathing, living son, who just came in the house carrying the cat, because he said he looked cold - I tell myself to not let bitterness wither the vine: adapt to God's plan, let go of mine - I look back to the pumpkin - pumpkin pie anyone?