13# The Light, the Vent, and the Rock

You know I have always believed in mother's intuition; it probably saved my son that fated night in January and I'm sure it often lead my mom to call me when I most needed it. She did so on that day, as I waded around in a mire of faded anger, hopelessness, and growing apathy. When I explained what had occurred on the phone, she paused and then as always came up with just the right words. Well you know, you are his vent; he needs someone that he can share these tough emotions with and obviously he is not opening up to the staff up there. He trusts you and knows that you will love him no matter what he says; you are his vent. But I would say that it would be good for you to take a break today - you do not want to break down in front of him - why don't you see if Nicole (name changed for privacy) could take the other kids with her to visit tonight. Feeling much better I got off the phone and decided it would be good to take an evening off; I called my oldest daughter and she agreed to make the trip herself. After work I sat with my husband trying to relax; I knew that I had to let myself heal a bit so that I could help David (name changed for privacy) - but I spent most of the time jumping to get the phone every time it rang - afraid that something would be wrong - I shouldn't have worried - the kids took him a large meal from Taco Bell and they had a great visit - a lesson all caregivers need to learn is that it is OK to let someone else help - you not only can, but need to give yourself time to recharge - that night as I lay in bed sleepless, as I had been for a week - I suddenly laughed - actually laughed - the first time since the suicide attempt - my husband rolled over and asked me what was so funny - "It's just that Mom the other day said that I had to be the light in the dark - then my aunt said that I was certainly the rock that the family depended on, and just today Mom said I had to be David's vent - I was thinking it sure is hard to be the Light, the Rock, and the Vent - I wonder if I could hire someone to take over the position" My husband looked as if I too was losing it - "I don't think so" - "No, I suppose not" I sighed "The problem would be getting anyone to apply!" To be cont.