Christmas Eve was another late night - I again vigilantly watched David until I was sure he was asleep - so to say I was tired Christmas morning would be an understatement - but thankfully David awoke calmer and seemed more relaxed than he had been since he arrived - I fixed roasted chicken and rosemary potatoes for dinner because I know he doesn't like ham - after speaking with my mom and mother-in-law we decided to fore go our usual routine of everyone coming back out for dinner - we thought David didn't need any more stimulation and chaos.
We spent the day quietly watching South Park for hours - David had received two new seasons for Christmas - usually the show would grate on my nerves - but this day I was happy to curl up on the couch and watch episode after episode with David who seemed to be using the show as a means to get back his equilibrium - everything went great till evening when one of David's so called friends called - I heard him say that he didn't want to do anything tonight - that he just wanted to spend time with the family - but his friend wouldn't let it go - by the time he got off the phone he had plans to go out - he assured me "just for a little bit" - I worried - but then I reasoned that since he seemed so good today maybe a trip out wouldn't be so bad - of course I was wrong -
I walked over to the neighbors for a while to wish them Merry Christmas and to keep my mind off David - We only stayed for a couple of hours - but by the time we returned David was a mess - he had arrived home just before us and I don't know what he had done or how many drinks he had, but he was lying smack dab on the kitchen floor mumbling senseless things - his "friends" had just left him there - the next two hours I spent helping him onto the couch and trying to keep him under control - he began wandering around the house knocking into things, falling down - he shed his clothes piece by piece - his jeans in the kitchen - a shirt in the living room - he was buck naked by the time he wandered down and tried to go to bed in his old bed - now his younger brother's - needless to say his younger brother made a quick escape to the couch and left David to his old bed.
Up early I called my mom and told her the situation - I knew then that I had to get him back home that day - before something terrible happened - I couldn't tell him he couldn't go out with his friends without precipitating a fight - which could send him in Lord knows what direction - but I could not go through another night like the previous one. So I packed up all his clean laundry, presents, and cat and woke him up a half an hour before my mom was to arrive - still confused he wandered around the house in his boxers - he mumbled "what if I don't want to go?" - I acted as if I didn't hear him and kept bustling around getting him ready - unfortunately he could only find one shoe and one flip flop so he was in quite a state when Mom arrived - his hair uncombed and unwashed - the same stained shirt from the day before and one sandal and one shoe - in a rush I packed his stuff - put the cat carrier with the protesting cat in the back seat and gave him a long hug "I love you son" - then he was gone -
I walked straight to the bedroom, locked the door and lay on the bed to cry for an hour - I missed his physical presence so bad - I felt awful for pushing him out the door - deep down I knew I had done the right thing but that didn't help the memory of the look on his face that seemed to say "you don't want me"